The wear and tear of life.

I am currently writing from a hotel room in my kampung, Kota Bharu.

I admit that I am don't come visit that much, but when I do I make sure that I spend the whole time catching up with my extended family here.

I am lucky to still have a grandma and grandpa from both of my parents side (they both come from Kota Bharu, so its a kill-two-birds-with-two-stones thing everytime I come and visit).

Things have changed a lot since I was young. Frankly I prefer the moments with my extended family when we are all little and innocent while our mothers and fathers are still young and energetic.

These days it is hard to gather everyone, and everytime it happens I don't feel like it was as "happening" as the old days.

Maybe everyone has grown old and grown up and are left busy tending to our own little family instead.

Anyway, my Tok Wan (grandma at my mom's side) has deteriorated so much since we last met.

Age has apparently caught up with her real bad. She is just at her early 80s but it seems like her body is degraded so so much.

The last time we met she was still able to move and have a decent chat. Now it breaks my heart to see her bedridden and barely able to speak.

I was not prepared to see her in such a different state, but alas that it the truth. That is what happens when you meet people occasionally over months. People change, and when it is physical you can really see the difference.

I controlled myself to not get too emotional, seeing her so helpless and frail.

I could not imagine how her children (my mother and my aunts and my uncles) may feel. If it breaks my heart this much, it may actually break their hearts even more, even when they choose to show it openly or not.

Such is life. And such is the fact at how our physical, our body is nothing but a depreciating vessel. Wear and tear happens, even to the healthiest of humans. Human is God's most magnificent creation, but the it also does comes to an end, just like all other things.

On the bright side, I am glad that she has lived a long and happy life. I always wonder what is her mind, now that she spends most of her time resting on her bed, barely able to speak but being able to listen to conversations.

Perhaps she would feel like joining in, but her body just won't allow her anymore. Perhaps she would like to share a piece of her mind but now she is not able to. Maybe she felt like she should be making tea for her guests and her children, her family like she always do. Is she OK with that? How would I feel if it is me?

Those kinds of thoughts.

And the fact the you too will someday become that way.

Frail, fragile, helpless. Worn out. Beat by life.

That's the reality that we all should always remember.

The fact that life is so temporary. How it comes and how it finally goes.

Things like this is a good reminder to us the young. Sometimes we are too caught up with the present, with things that may not even matter, we forgot to check and realign.

I pray that Tok Wan is happy. That she is contented with her long life. That God will reward each and every good deed that she has done in her life handsomely. That God will make it easy for her to leave this wretched world when her time finally comes. 

Nothing but the best for her. 

“Take benefit of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death” - The Prophet Muhammad (saw)
(Narrated by Ibn Abbas and reported by Al Hakim) 


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